I have spent a good bit of time lately watching Jane Austen movies, re-reading some of her books, watching the epic BBC masterpiece, North and South, which is based on Elizabeth Gaskell's book of the same name. I am enamored with the recently released movie, The King's Speech.
And I have been lost in la-la land.
I spent most of my day yesterday researching authors, watching interviews on you-tube, reading the ending of Pride and Prejudice again. Just because.
And then, I'd look up.
At my messy floor. At my child with a snotty nose and hair that desperately needs to be washed. Plastic dishes in the sink coated with boxed macaroni and cheese. Kids staring at the television blaring a recent episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
There is a slight disparity here. I tell myself. But not as slight as I would like to think.
Why is it, I have wondered over the past few days, that I seem to drown myself in these creations... beautiful movies, books, poetry... and then burst out of the water for a gasp of air to be utterly disappointed in what I see around me.
This is reality. These are my blessings. I know that this is the life God has granted me, bestowed upon me, mercifully answered my prayers with. I have no doubt.
But, after a few days with Mr. Darcy, King George VI and Elizabeth Gaskell's story of love, work and sacrifice, I feel that this world I step in each day is somewhat lacking.
I start to doubt.
Is all this that I love not authentic? Not possible? A fantasy? A grown-up Cinderella story? In no way possible in the 'real' world?
And I almost convinced myself of that yesterday. I read the news. A Congressman quits over sending a quite ridiculous photo of himself on the internet. Lindsey Lohan steals a necklace? My daughter sings a stupid pop song she learned at a friend's house. My son negotiates his every moment for a few more minutes on the Wii.
Yes, it's all fake. No possibility. I convince myself. Almost.
Except that there is beauty. Why would we recognize it if is isn't possible? Why would we long for something that doesn't exist?
And then, the scriptures speak to me:
Yesterday's reading... and today's... from Genesis:
"The LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east,
and he placed there the man whom he had formed.
Out of the ground the LORD God made
various trees grow that were delightful to look at and good for food,
with the tree of life in the middle of the garden...
The LORD God said: "It is not good for man to be alone.
I will make a suitable partner for him." ...
The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib he had taken from the man.
When he brought her to the man, the man said:
"This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
this one shall be called 'woman',
for out of 'her man' this one has been taken....
The man and his wife were both naked, yet they felt no shame."
Ummmm. That is beautiful. Yes. And that is real as it comes. For it is what God intended... intends in the end. It is his original, and final, plan for us.
Scenic, pleasant, romantic, clinging, shameless, courageous, noble.
So. Now, the challenge.
Erasing the disparity. Bringing that passion that is caught between pages and on screens of the creations I love back to breathe. To reality. To me. To my marriage. To these children. To my day.
I need to bring beauty to my day.
"Beauty will save the world." says Dostoevsky.
Save my world, please.
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